McBreen's Heifer
(The Pretty and the Plain)

Ireland's Troubadour: Percy French

McBreen had two daughters and each one in turn
Was offered in marriage to Jimsie O'Byrne
Now Kitty was pretty and Jane she was plain
So to make up the difference McBreen would explain
That he'd give the best heifer he had on the land
As a sort of a bonus with Jane, understand
Sure Kitty could charm all the birds from the bush
And that left poor Jim in a horrid non-plus

Now there's no denying Kitty
Was remarkably pretty
Though you can't say the same for Jane
But still there's not the differ
Of the price of a heifer
Between the pretty and the plain

Entirely bothered was Jimsie O'Byrne
So he thought that he'd give the school-master a turn
Now says he pretty Kitty is very good fun
Still a heifer's a heifer when all's said and done
Now a girl she might lose her good looks anyhow
While the heifer will grow to an elegant cow
But there might be no price for the stock d'ye mind
Still, Jane has a face that the devil designed

Now there's no denying Kitty
Was remarkably pretty
Though you can't say the same for Jane
But still's there's not the differ
Of the price of a heifer
Between the pretty and the plain

The school-master said with a good deal of sense
We'll divide the two girls into shillings and pence
Add the price of the heifer, and Jane I'll be bound
Will come out on the top by a couple of pounds
But sure I'm forgetting that down in Glengaul
The stock is just going for nothing at all
So Jim thought he'd wait till the end of the year
When girls might be cheaper or stock might be dear

But when he came for Kitty
She was married to McGinty
And McGee had appropriated Jane
So whether there's the differ
Of the price of a heifer
Is a thing that he never could explain